12.29.2011

2012 is almost here.  I have to admit, this past week has been very emotional, very moving and very eye-opening.  I can't say that I was really looking forward to going into 2012 with all of the negatives I have to work on this year but I am grateful to be here and grateful to still have a chance to change some things and to perfect others.

I have a list of things to work on this year, yes a list.  Not resolutions, just some things that I've been pushing to the side or flat out ignoring.  I'm not doing that in 2012.   I'm getting back to facing things head-on and grabbing the bull by the horns.  Yes, honey, I'm ready to wrestle and shake some things up.  I can feel in my soul that 2012 will be a wonderful year. I'm not sure how but it will be.  That's a promise I'm making to myself.

~Pamela Denise~

12.15.2011

I haven't blogged in about a week.  I've had a lot on my mind but nothing I really wanted to blog about.  I still need to make some changes in my life.  I'm so off track that I feel as if I'm looking at life through a cloudy, cracked piece of glass.  Deep sigh.  Something has got to give.....

~Pamela Denise~

P.S.

Somewhere, I have lost a day.  I originally titled this 12.14.2011. Today is 12.15.2011 and even though I previewed the post before publishing it, I still didn't catch it.  Proof that I'm off track.

GPA 12.08.2011

I always tease my youngest daughter and call her a nerd.  Actually, I'm relieved that she's really into school.  At 15, she could be doing so many other bad things.  I'm hoping those smarts will pay off in a big way when it comes time to apply for college.

She's had a cellphone since the age of 10 when she started walking home from the bus stop but she got her first smart phone earlier this year.  She's always talking about her grades and what she has in this class or that class.  One day we were talking and she was holding her phone, like most teenage girls these days and started punching in something on the screen, which I assumed was a text message.  WRONG.  She was inputting information into her GPA app!  This app allows her to keep track of her GPA every time she gets a new grade.  Technology is something else.

I don't know who created the app she has on her phone but thank you for such an awesome app!

~Pamela Denise~

Children 12.3.2011

I woke up this morning to sound of the news blaring, only to hear of yet another child missing and it just broke my heart.  Children are going missing or being murdered at alarming rate in the U.S.  It's very sad.  What happened to people protecting the children?

The older children are turning to crime in record numbers, killing other children, stealing, so many bad things that used to only be done by adults.  I just don't know what is going on.  Something went wrong and somehow things have to change.

Children are our future and with all of the things they are going through, the future does not look promising at all.

But what do we do?  How do we change things?

~Pamela Denise~

Walls 11.28.2011

I don't like to admit it to myself but I have an anxiety issue.  I thought it was just the issue with crowds but it's more than that.

Right now, I feel the walls closing in on me and I'm getting more and more anxious the more I think about it.  I'm trying to focus on work and not think about this feeling but I seem to be losing, quickly.  Take a deep breath, Pamela....calm down.   I'm trying, I really am.  If I could just pinpoint what set me off into this spiral, maybe I could bring myself back.   Think Pamela, think.

Thinking out-loud 11.26.2011

It's that time of year when my birthday is a few months away and I start to look at my life and think "What happened?" and "How do I fix it?"  I know what happened.  It actually happened 3 years ago when I lost my job.  That's when my life changed and my finances really got away from me.  The problem is, I haven't been able to fix it and my finances still have a mind of their own so it's time to really take stock and take a long hard look at my life and how I'm living.  I know one thing for certain, a lot has to change.  I'll be 43 in a few months and I do not like what I see.  My goal of paying cash for a BMW for my 45th birthday is fast-approaching WITHOUT the funds to do so.  That saddens me.  I know it's just a car BUT it's a car that I've always wanted.  I just never wanted to go into debt to get it.  Looks like I'm going to need to push the date back or tuck that "want" into that box in my brain I've affectionately titled "Things that will never happen."  I know, I know, never say never.  Times are hard and I have a decent car that I hope will last for a very long time.  Who knows, maybe I will be able to pry open that box just enough to snatch that BMW out....and maybe not.

Ironically, I read an article in Thursday's paper about the price of BMW's going up due to inflation.  That only serves to push the BMW even further out of reach.

Maybe I will get lucky and win the lottery.  A girl can wish, can't she?  Sigh..... I'm tired of dreaming.  I ready to have some of my dreams come true.

~Pamela Denise~

Dreams, reality and being thankful 11.24.2011

I know it's so cliche to blog about being thankful on Thanksgiving but this year, like the few years before, have been rough on me so I need this for my soul.

Somehow, making my dreams and reality mesh into one seems like the best thing to keep me sane as well as pushing forward, so here goes:

1.  Dream house?  Nope.  Home to keep me and my family safe?  Yep.....thankful.
2.  Dream job?  Nope.  Job to pay for things I need?  Yep....thankful.
3.  Dream car?  Not even close.  Car that's paid for, runs well and is in decent shape?  Yep....thankful.
4.  Dream relationship?  Nope...probably doesn't exist.  A relationship that allows me to not need to sleep with 1 eye open?  Yep....thankful.
5.  Dream body?  Nahhhhh... A body that's in fairly good health?  Yep...thankful.

Basically, I need to be thankful for all of the things that I do have and realize that most of the things I do not have are merely wants and not needs.  That in itself is a blessing.

Pizza and fries 11.21.2011

My high school-aged daughter shared some information with me that I found rather unpleasant.  Apparently, the US Congress has decided that the 2 teaspoons of tomato sauce used on pizza qualifies pizza as a vegetable for the school menu....and...they are not allowed to limit the amount of starchy foods that a student can consume.  Seriously?   What on earth is this country coming to?  When I was growing up, pizza and fries were a weekend treat, not a staple in my diet.  That is utterly ridiculous.  Thankfully, my daughter chooses to bring her own food.  We've been vegetarians for a few years and since not consuming those unhealthy foods on a regular basis, eating them usually makes her body rebel and she doesn't like the feeling.  Her usual lunch consists of a spinach and herb wrapped filled with vegetarian chicken, cheese, almonds, lettuce, low-fat olive-oil dressing and a drizzle of honey mustard.  She also has dried cranberries, more almonds, pineapple or pear chunks, a low-fat Special K bar and a bottle of water.   She has eaten the fries a few times and they have made her body ache.  I know that feeling.  I try not to consume a lot of sugar and one day I made the mistake of adding light brown sugar to my oatmeal and I must have used too much because my body started aching from it until I flushed it through my system with a ton of water.

Allowing pizza and fries further contributes to the childhood obesity rate in our country.  For them to say pizza is a vegetable sounds crazy.  I still don't believe it.  Add to that the no-limit on starchy vegetables and your kid could walk away from the food line with 2 or 3 orders of fries and pizza for lunch.  Yuck!  We had pizza and fries on the menu when I was in school but that wasn't something I consumed daily.

If you don't have a school-aged child attending public schools in the US, consider yourself lucky and if you do, they might want to pack a lunch.

Has Congress not realized that food is fuel for the body and if you use bad fuel, you will get bad results, AKA obesity and other health problems at an early age? There are children being diagnosed with hypertension for goodness sake!  You can't tell me this isn't a direct connection to the amount of salt and processed food  available to kids today.   There has to be a connection.  We are bringing up a generation of sickly, unhealthy children who do not go outside and play, spend far too much time inside playing video games and watching t.v., surfing the Internet and consuming all sorts of processed foods.

I admit, I don't always make the healthiest food choices but ice cream, cakes, cookies, chips, pizza and fries are a treat and they don't make it into my basket on regular basis.  My children know if they want those items, they have to ask for them.  When I'm in the store, I find myself watching other people's basket items and I am completely amazed at all of the processed junk food I see in some people's baskets.  Usually, these are the ones with 1 or 2 overweight children tagging along and the parents could eat a bit healthier as well.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not thin because I let those foods get the best of me as well so I had to make a change.  Getting the weight off has proved to be very difficult.  The good news is that since I stopped consuming all that "death" on a regular basis, I've stopped gaining weight and it's slowly coming off.

We need to wake up and take back our own health as well as the health of our children.  It starts at home.  I made the choice to become a vegetarian and my daughter, who was then 11 years old decided to do it as well, no pushing or forcing...clearly just following along in healthier foot steps so more parents need to take control.  If they stop bringing those items into their homes on a regular basis, their children will make better choices away from home.  It's just that simple.

The issue I have is with Congress saying it's okay...pizza is a vegetable.  Catch a clue, Congress!  Make the connection and stop the madness!

Atlanta, the mall and some tea 11.20.2011

So, we made our way to Perimeter Mall yesterday.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I dislike driving, especially to Atlanta.  Just the thought of it is enough to make me anxious and uncomfortable.  Luckily, I had my 23-year-old co-pilot with me, or as I like to refer to her, "The Human GPS," so I was good.  She wanted to drive, only because she said I drive like an old lady.  LOL, oh well.  I often have to  remind "super speeder" that my rate of driving is what has kept me from getting a speeding ticket in 23 years.  My only speeding ticket came in February 1988 after leaving Planned Parenthood at the age of 18 with a positive pregnancy test result in hand.  Yeah, that was enough to make anybody speed.

Back to the mall.  Once there, I found the parking to be a bit overwhelming but finally found a parking space. Inside the mall, there were tons of people.  You could definitely tell it was the holiday season.  One thing I always find funny is the amount of women walking through the mall in high heeled shoes.  Most people go to the mall and spend several hours there, most of it, walking, so it is beyond me why anyone would want to do that in heels.  I just don't get it.

One of our last stops was Teavana.  The tea smelled pretty good but I'm not a big tea fan.  I'm a coffee girl myself but not addicted enough to stand in the long line at Starbucks.  Anyway, they were giving out samples of tea at the door, a mixture of Youth Berry and Orange Blossom.  It smelled heavenly, and my 15-year-old, the tea drinker, was reeled in.  I didn't realize their teas were loose teas but she decided to purchase some anyway.

The girls went into several stores but I spent most of my time people watching, which was interesting to say the least.

We finished up our trip with a meal in the food court, which of course was crowded.  I had white pizza with mushrooms.  It wasn't too bad but I should have stuck to my usual, greek stromboli or Chinese food.

Driving home, it was already dark and it wasn't even 6:00.  That in itself made me decide that I really need to focus on finding more things to do at home to bring in more money.  I do not like driving in the dark and there were a ton of cars on the highway driving fast, stopping all super close behind me, again making me nervous.

Guess I should check my lottery ticket before work and if I won, I'm going back to bed.  If not, I need to get busy.

~Pamela Denise~

Simple pleasures 11.18.2011

Two blogs in 1 day?  I must be on a roll.  I really need to direct my energies.  I know, I know.  In my earlier post, I said I was working, and I was, for a short time.  Here's the thing....I'm in love...with a computer card game.  I love to play Free Cell.

Growing up, my dad played Solitaire all the time and always had a deck of cards close by.   After retirement, he continued to play and my mother picked up playing Free Cell on the computer.   I used to watch her play this game and I could never figure it out.   She tried to explain it and it just made no sense at all, so I stuck to playing Solitaire.

One day I decided to give it another shot and I have been hooked.  "Hi, my name is Pamela Denise, and I am a Free Cell-aholic LOL.  It's bad.   I have it on my blackberry also.  When I need a break, I play Free Cell, which in my opinion, isn't really a break because I'm focused on the cards.  Oh well.  I even deactivated an online account I had in attempt to keep me from playing so much.  It didn't work.  I give up.

I imagine things could be worse if I had a drinking problem or a gambling problem, or even a shopping problem but I don't, so I'm good.  It's 1:20 p.m. and the teenagers will be here in about 2 hours.  I suppose I should get some work done....really some work and not Free Cell...at least not until later.

~Pamela Denise~

Stay at home...please 11.18.2011

For most of my daughters' lives, I have been able to earn an income from home.  I've been a Medical Transcriptionist for 21 years.  The pay has changed significantly since I started out but I very much enjoy being at home.   I have worked out of my home a few times and everyone was miserable, including me.  The problem now is that my income no longer supports my lifestyle.  Not that I have an extravagant lifestyle, because I don't.  Simply that prices have gone up and companies have found a way to get us to do the same work for a lot less money.  Sigh....  Anyway, it's time for a change but I have to be honest, I don't want to be out there working.  I'd much rather be at home in my office working, home when my daughters need me, home when my sweetie needs me and even home when my dog has to go potty LOL.  I like being home.   I have to admit, I have lost some of my discipline to work efficiently so that has become my long-term goal.  If I could focus, and get everyone else to realize that I'm working and not really here, I'm sure I could be more productive.  At least that's how I see it.

For years, I have had to literally convince my neighbors that I do work, a lot actually, and the only real difference between my job and their job is that I only have to walk downstairs to my office to my computer instead of driving to my job.  I still have a set schedule, breaks, a lunch break and yes, I get dressed every day for work.  I tried working in my pajamas but that only seems to work when I'm doing extra work for an hour or 2 on a Saturday morning before heading out to run errands.  Otherwise, I'm completely dressed, right down to my accessories, like someone is going to see me.   The benefit to that is that if I have to run to the store, or pick my daughter up unexpectedly, I don't have to make time to get dressed.  It makes perfect sense to me.

Anywho, it's Friday, my day off but I'm choosing to work for a bit because tomorrow will be spent at the mall with 2 teenage girls....fun right?  Not.  LOL, really, they aren't bad kids, my daughter and her best friend, which is why although I despise driving far distances, I really don't mind taking the 2 of them to the mall.

Until next time,

~Pamela Denise~

Life lessons and priorities 11.12.2011

At my age, life lessons are hard.  I learned one this week.  Actually, I already knew it existed but I was further reminded of such this week.   That life lesson was about priorities.  I learned that no matter what tools or assistance you give people, you can't give them your priorities.  It doesn't work that way.  Everyone has their own priorities and/or goals.  Sometimes they are one in the same for multiple people but most times, they are like night and day.  But hey, it is what it is and that's all that it can be.  I'm thankful that I am able to still learn, because it simply means I still have growing to do and that growth will continue to mold me into the person I am supposed to become.

Thoroughly disturbed 11.10.2011

I come across the strangest things on the internet and not much surprises me anymore but this had me thoroughly disturbed.  It all started with a post on Facebook with one person saying they had been in the same prison as someone else about 30 years earlier.  I don't know about the next person but I wouldn't be broadcasting my criminal status....ever.   Needless to say, this statement caused me to click on their profile.  He was an older guy, I'd say in his 50s.  I started looking at photos on his page and came across this gang-type photo of 5 men in white T's and ball caps, some standing and some kneeling in front.  That wasn't the disturbing part.  I've seen photos like that before.  What was disturbing was the young boy, maybe 5 or 6 years old standing in between the group of men holding a handful of cash and above him, one of the guys was holding some sort of automatic rifle.  Seriously, this is the image they are sending out to young boys.  Again, thoroughly disturbed. 

I'm just going to put it out there.  Some of our black men have a lot of growing to do, a lot of growing.  It really saddens me.

Awareness 11.8.2011

My boss was off for 2 days. I enjoyed being able to work at my own pace and not the pace of work being assigned to me but it also made me aware of something.  I really need to work for myself.  I felt  just as productive, if not more, just not rushed.  It was a rather relaxing feeling.

My Stella and Dot site is still up but I think I want, I need something of my own creation, not someone else's dream for themselves that they decided to share with others.  I'm thinking, thinking, thinking.  I have some things in mind of course, actually have for a while, just need to put some of them into action.  Not to mention, I like being at home, everyday.  I don't mind working.  I just like being at home, not having to fight that crazy traffic and being available if my daughter needs to me to pick her up from school instead of taking the bus home.  I like that so I would like to keep it that way, at least until she's old enough to drive.  I still don't want to punch a time clock either so I need to do my own thing.  Lots to do, lots to do.

10.28.2011

It's my day off but sadly, I will be working, well already working.  Yesterday was very draining and very counterproductive.  The reports were horrible and they truly put me in a bad mood, so, it is what it is.  That's okay though.  As the weather starts to shift from hot to cold, I'm glad I am still working from home but even more determined to find ways to earn income from home until I can get my real estate license and become the female version of Donald Trump.  Then again, I think he borrowed money from his father to get started.  Nonetheless, I want to be in real estate.  I can see myself involved in buying and selling homes, buying and selling buildings.  Just the thought of it makes me smile.  Now, I just need to make it a reality.  I will, once I get some of these darn bills paid off.  Sigh...

Realizations 10.25.2011

Birds move through the sky with such grace and purpose.   People move through life aimlessly without direction.  Why is that?

I am on a path of realization and direction in my life from this day forward.  That is all for today.

The ER...boo

Last Saturday as I was about to go to bed, I checked on my 15 year old and noticed that she didn't look right.  She got up, staggered down stairs and plopped on the sofa, definitely not her usual hyper self at all.  Then she said her head hurt in the back and she felt dizzy.  She went into the bathroom and sat down.  I felt her forehead and she felt hot and sweaty and she was seemed kind of lethargic.  My first thought was meningitis or something, so off to the ER we went.

Thankfully, it wasn't meningitis but for some reason, I thought about how she was acting after the Toradol kicked in that the nurse added to her IV.  She was laying on the gurney so I said, "How do you feel?"  She looked at me and said, "I feel fabulous."  Fabulous, really, lying on a gurney in the ER at 11 p.m. at night?  Yeah, that was definitely the Toradol. That was on the beginning of it.  She was clearly high off the medicine.  She was talking a mile a minute and moving around a lot.  Even the registration lady whispered to me, "Does she always talk like that?"   I just laughed and said "No, I think its the Toradol."

Needless to say, I was relieved that the doctor felt maybe she just had a mild virus since all of her tests came back normal.

Coffee and the mugs that hold it

So, I wanted to blog today but I didn't know what I wanted to blog about.  I thought about this coffee mug (may it rest in pieces).  I love coffee mugs, love them.  Ask anybody in my family what I love, and they will say "coffee mugs."  I have tons of them, more than the average person really needs.  Clearly, its an addiction.  I have given some away, trying to convince myself that I don't need all of these mugs, only to have them replaced with new ones.  Most times, I have to stop myself from buying new ones because I really don't have the room in my cabinet for more (I am on the hunt for a tall freestanding cabinet for the kitchen to house them all though.) 

Sadly, I no longer have the one in the picture.  In a fit of anger, I threw it down in the garage and watched it shatter to pieces.  I really miss that mug but I haven't been back to the store where I purchased it to see if they have a replacement.  Sigh.  I will replace it soon and hopefully add to my collection once I find the cabinet to store them.  Although I have a good sized kitchen, the set up is kind of weird so I have to find the right unit to fit.  When I do, it's on!  Coffee Mug Central will be in full effect!

Okay, I must get back to what currently pays the bills.   Behave yourselves.

~Pamela Denise~

Yawn 9.30.2011

I'm sitting here on my day off (only according to the schedule because I worked).  Tomorrow marks the beginning of my first official pay period with only 1 job.  I haven't had 1 job in almost 3 years.  I should be worried but I'm not.  I'm sure eventually I will get a full-time job outside of the home, or move on to something totally different but for now, this is what I have and I'm okay with that, for the moment anyway.

I seriously was going to attempt to work the other job but with the amount of hours I need to do in addition to my other job, it meant working something like 60+ hours a week, every week and not really having much to show for it because although I'd be working, the amount I would be earning would not reflect that, so I had to ask myself if it was financially as well as physically worth it.  The answer was no.  I did try it out for 1 week but I knew I was setting myself up for failure.  My day job has plenty of work so I'm just going to stick with them and continue to work on my business ventures.  Who knows, maybe I can squeeze in selling some photos (see insert LOL).  I have yet to get any deer photos but birds, bugs and frogs seem to be plentiful in my area, oh and cats too, not to mention my cute little dog.  I finally picked up a pink external hard-drive.  Yes pink, it's my favorite color.  You would think a woman in her 40s would not have this pink obsession but I do and I love it, love it, love it.  If it comes in pink, I want it.  When I become successful, I'm treating myself to a special order pink BMW or Mercedes.

Well, I suppose I should go to bed.  I have a busy day of cleaning, organizing and bill paying tomorrow.

Love ya,

~Pamela Denise~

Life and the things within 9.20.2011

So, I work 2 jobs currently, have an online business, take photos for fun and just try my best to lead a full life from my computer or the confines of my home's yard LOL, because I do all of these things from home.  Needless to say, I've been needing to make a decision about the 2nd job for a while now and instead of making that decision (to quit), I kept chipping away at my hours and taking more days off, even when I didn't need the entire shift off.  Hey a sista is tired. Not only do I have all of those things going on but I have a mate, 2 children and a very demanding dog, each with their own set of problems or needs, so yeah, it's a lot.

Regardless, sometimes life forces you to make decisions sooner rather than later.  Case in point:  I get an email last week stating that the company had been "acquired" by another company.  Now, that wouldn't be a big deal BUT, in my industry, that other company is known as the Squid, the Octopus and the Shark.  I felt sick to my stomach.  At first I thought to myself, "Snap out of it. It can't be as bad as every one says if they still have employees.  I'll be fine."  And I went with that, until the conference call later that afternoon and I heard person after person on the other end saying they left that company and came to the "now acquired" company because of their practices.  One lady asked point blank "Who do I give my resignation to?"  My stomach sank even further and I knew it was as bad as I had heard.  As the weekend progressed, I tried to calm my nerves and kept telling myself it can't be that bad.  Then the emails started coming in from the company.  Oh, it was as bad as I heard.  I told one friend, who also left that company and she said, "Ohhhh, I was going to re-apply just because I need more hours but no thanks."  Another friend's response was "I'm sorry."  The sorry was only from me telling her the company had been acquired and nothing else.   Not a good sign.

The good news is that was not my main source of income and although I will have to readjust and work more on the other job to make up for the loss of that income, I should be okay.

Speaking of work, I guess I need to do some.  Carry on folks!   Bigger and better things are sure to come my way.

Love ya,

~Pamela Denise~

Hamster

You know how hamsters get on that wheel in their cage and just run and run and run and really aren't going anywhere at all?  That's how I've been feeling lately.  I get up, work all day, take a shower and go to bed, only to get up and do the same thing all over again the next day.  It's getting old.  Somehow, I have to find a way to make some more time to do something different.  I'm trying to get this jewelry site   (Fabulousness? click here) out there and that's challenging to say the least, since I work from home all day, every day but I'm persistent.  There are a few other ventures I'd like to partake in as well as some that my partner and I are interested in pursuing but who has the time?   Making time is proving far more challenging than I thought...but again, I'm persistent.  Back to work I go...but hey, in the words of my 15-year-old, it will get better.  I'm glad she knows it.

We meet again

So after going for a such a long time without blogging regularly, and realizing that this was sort of like an online diary for me, allowing me to get the feelings out in order to move on with my day, I've decided to come back and try it again.   Blogging had become very therapeutic for me and I let it go.  Let's see how long this lasts.

A lot has happened. I'm still working 2 jobs, but things could be worse, I could be unemployed.  I also took on a business venture that had been "stalking" for well over a year.  I am officially a Stella and Dot independent stylist (My e-boutique) *big grin*.  From the moment I first saw this jewelry, even before I knew of the business opportunity, I was in love.  When the fall line came out this year, I literally became breathless when I saw the gorgeous pieces.  I knew I had to get on board with this company.  Seriously, I love this stuff.

Aside from that, my baby girl entered 10th grade this year...whooohooo...so excited.

I'm just really trying to stay focused as I continue to fill up my plate.  Planning on getting my real estate license one day soon in addition to a few more business ventures.   Yes, this sister is busy and will only get busier but hey, it's for a great cause so it's worth it.

Until next time world....behave yourself.

~Pamela Denise~