Never prepared 6.12.2012

Death once again has come to take a loved one from my family.  This time, it was my mother's baby sister.  She just buried her oldest sister less than 2 weeks ago and now this.  True, she was sick but like the other, we thought she was getting better, so dying was the last thing on our minds.  The baby sister, we all knew would be the hardest to deal with.  She had Down syndrome and didn't talk.  Mom said she talked as a child but all of a sudden just stopped talking so the aunt I grew up knowing, never spoke.  She just smiled when you said "Hey Auntie" and kissed her on the cheek.  In recent years, her eyesight had failed but she managed to get around with the help of her sister, with whom she has lived since the death of my grandmother.

Every time I think about her, I cry.  I found it hard to sleep last night with the pains that had taken over my stomach.

My mother is a strong woman and she seems to be dealing with these deaths fairly well, considering.

I'm not sure if my fragile existence can handle all these deaths.  I am strong, like my mother but family makes me weak.

In the middle of the night, I found myself searching the internet on my phone, searching for answers.  I came across the National Association for Down Syndrome and this statement almost took my breath away:  The average life expectancy of individuals with Down syndrome is 55 years, with many living into their sixties and seventies.   This morning in talking to my mother, I said, "How old was she?"  Mom said, "She was either 55 or 56."   Damn, I thought.  Of course, my mother already know the average life expectancy and when my aunt got sick this last time, she said she told my other aunt who was caring for her that she was nearing the age when they die.  Maybe she had been mentally preparing herself.  I don't know.  I wasn't ready.  Death has a way of doing that.  Even when you know it's coming, you can't plan mentally.

I need to attempt to focus on work today.  I pray that I don't get any death charts or people with Down syndrome.  I'm not sure I can handle those today.

~Pamela Denise~